Frusterated

In general today Im just frusterated with my life, this sounds so selfish of me, but I never wanted a child with any type of handicap, but I have one so deal with it. The handicap itself is not really what bothers me, its how much time I DON"T have to dedicate to it, life goes on.

When Im at work, Im usually researching or doing something productive towards finding a way to help Noel and help myself learn what I can do for her. Its so hard she can't tell me what she wants from me, what she can maybe see or can't see. When i have any extra money at all I buy the light up toys and I show them to her, sometimes she quiets down other times she doesn't. Tonite for instance, I come home and my husband tells me she has been so cranky all day, I pick her up and she is still so cranky and she eventually just holds on tight and calms down. I set her down to make dinner for her twin sister and the baby and her and she goes off again. How do I know whats wrong with her, she can't tell me , she can't show me.

This is where the selfishness comes in on my part, yes a normal sighted child not always the easiest to deal with either lol I know , her twin sister is all over the place, but what if you have somone that can't tell you anything. All i wanna know is how I can help you.

There are not  many resources out there that help, in our case having 2 children with disabilities and then one income that they say is above the poverty level we don't get any assistance. My husband stays home to be with the girls and I work my butt off trying to provide, sometimes I dont think family nor friends understand what its like. Im tired, im lonely, and sometimes Im just frusterated.