6/15/2010

So this week we had our appointment with Ms Karen and great reports, we did our year end review and Noel has done great with her gross motor skills. So that was really good news, over the weekend we tried out the pool with Noel, she really isn't into the water that much, but Im gonna really try and get her into there as much as I can this summer. The next few weeks is all about textures, as you can see from the blog this week we are focusing on wood. Tree's cardboard, anything made from wood. We shall see how this texture goes.

Letter to you

Noel, I just want you to know that Im not frusterated with you. You are one of the best things that happened to me. You give me patience when I really don't have it, you show me so many things that I just don't see with my eyes, but I feel with my heart. I love you my dear. One day I will give you this blog printed out, brailled out or whatever so you can see what mommy wrote about you. I love you sweetheart.

Frusterated

In general today Im just frusterated with my life, this sounds so selfish of me, but I never wanted a child with any type of handicap, but I have one so deal with it. The handicap itself is not really what bothers me, its how much time I DON"T have to dedicate to it, life goes on.

When Im at work, Im usually researching or doing something productive towards finding a way to help Noel and help myself learn what I can do for her. Its so hard she can't tell me what she wants from me, what she can maybe see or can't see. When i have any extra money at all I buy the light up toys and I show them to her, sometimes she quiets down other times she doesn't. Tonite for instance, I come home and my husband tells me she has been so cranky all day, I pick her up and she is still so cranky and she eventually just holds on tight and calms down. I set her down to make dinner for her twin sister and the baby and her and she goes off again. How do I know whats wrong with her, she can't tell me , she can't show me.

This is where the selfishness comes in on my part, yes a normal sighted child not always the easiest to deal with either lol I know , her twin sister is all over the place, but what if you have somone that can't tell you anything. All i wanna know is how I can help you.

There are not  many resources out there that help, in our case having 2 children with disabilities and then one income that they say is above the poverty level we don't get any assistance. My husband stays home to be with the girls and I work my butt off trying to provide, sometimes I dont think family nor friends understand what its like. Im tired, im lonely, and sometimes Im just frusterated.