Frusterated

In general today Im just frusterated with my life, this sounds so selfish of me, but I never wanted a child with any type of handicap, but I have one so deal with it. The handicap itself is not really what bothers me, its how much time I DON"T have to dedicate to it, life goes on.

When Im at work, Im usually researching or doing something productive towards finding a way to help Noel and help myself learn what I can do for her. Its so hard she can't tell me what she wants from me, what she can maybe see or can't see. When i have any extra money at all I buy the light up toys and I show them to her, sometimes she quiets down other times she doesn't. Tonite for instance, I come home and my husband tells me she has been so cranky all day, I pick her up and she is still so cranky and she eventually just holds on tight and calms down. I set her down to make dinner for her twin sister and the baby and her and she goes off again. How do I know whats wrong with her, she can't tell me , she can't show me.

This is where the selfishness comes in on my part, yes a normal sighted child not always the easiest to deal with either lol I know , her twin sister is all over the place, but what if you have somone that can't tell you anything. All i wanna know is how I can help you.

There are not  many resources out there that help, in our case having 2 children with disabilities and then one income that they say is above the poverty level we don't get any assistance. My husband stays home to be with the girls and I work my butt off trying to provide, sometimes I dont think family nor friends understand what its like. Im tired, im lonely, and sometimes Im just frusterated.

New Adventures

So this week, Noel has maneuvered herself up to the standing position all by herself, holding herself up against the couch. I couldn't find the camera quick enough to take a picture before she fell down but this was a great accomplishment for her. She is now on her way to standing and soon on her adventures to walking. This will be hard for me to see her walk into things and fall, and bump her head and I know a lot of bumps and bruises will be forthcoming but its all a process and Noel and I both have to learn, I have to learn to let Noel have those falls, and stop trying to baby herself. Mommy wont always be there to protect her out in the real world, and Noel has to learn how to adjust herself. So its a learning process for both of us, but I'm sure we will make out just fine.

Mommys Present

So this weekend, we have been pretty busy at work , so I had to work on Sunday too which was Overtime but it was also Mothers Day. O well no big deal I went about my day as usual, wasnt very busy that day I think the applicants thought maybe we were closed, so that was nice. I got home to and to my suprised Miss Noel said the sweetest thing I've ever heard her say
Ma'Ma'Ma'Ma'Ma over and over again, this brought tears to my eyes. Noel usually babbles a lot but never really says a real word , I know she is listening though and she knows her name but just doesn't see the words and how the mouth moves when you talk, when i hold her i always say Ma,Ma, Ma and finally she did it , and on Mothers Day of all days. What a great present. Thank you my beautiful daughter. I love you